Pleasantly Surprised

These girls... they've surprised me with their pop-culture awareness.

Things they are aware exist (to some extent) and enjoy (to some extent):

-Lonely Island

-Flight of the Concords

-Jon Lajoie

-30 Rock

-American Beauty

-Harry Potter (they like it too! just not obsessively...

-Tarantino

- RDJ movies besides Iron Man

Things we need to work on:

-I Love You Man

-The Hangover

-She & Him

-Lonely Island besides "I'm on a Boat"

-David Fincher

-funnyordie

-Picnic Face

-etc

Project: Acclamation is going surprisingly well. Even considering my poor athletic abilities.

Temporary

I remember, approximately 3 years and 4 months back, posting on Xanga that I had just seen "Grindhouse". That post ended with "Let the countdown to Inglorious Basterds begin!". Well that countdown has officially ended. And it was pretty much what I expected. It wasn't Reservoir Dogs, but it was bloody, crass, and vaguely funny. I liked it. That's about it. 

I'm in my dorm right now. My temporary dorm. With my temporary roommate. But come to think of it, this whole college experience is pretty temporary. So this dorm is just extra-temporary I suppose. But everything in my life has been temporary thus far... my friendships, my homes, my parents' marraiges, etc... Honestly, of my closest friends now, I've known none for more than 5 years. Even what I thought to be the most stable part of my life turned out to be temporary. 

So it should be easier to move on to the next stage. Right? 

Nine Lives (that I will miss)

The number "9" is abundant in popular culture right now. From the Fellini-inspired musical to Tim Burton's animated apocalyptic adventure, "9" is hip. And entirely coincidentally, "9" is the number of non-relatives that I will struggle to live with out for the next four months. 

Of the thousands of people I've met and talked with over the past 18 years, only 9 stand out. Only 9 will be missed. 

Of those 9, only two live within moderate travel distance. And I feel that the chances that I'll see either of those two are slim to none.

Of the remaining 7, two may come to visit me for NU's homecoming vs IU. But again, I feel that this is probably wishful thinking, and will not actually come to fruition. 

Of the last 5, one will still be attending CGHS. I don't think we'll have trouble keeping in touch, because she's essentially my younger sister. We need each other's perspective.

4 left. Two are attending private Indiana colleges. Two are fleeing our God-forsaken state and taking refuge in schools with nationally acclaimed basketball programs. Needless to say, they will be preoccupied. 

I love these 9. My love for each of them is unique. I dread the upcoming months because of my love for these 9 individuals. But then I remember it's only four months. I'll see them all soon enough. My importance to some of them will inevitably shrink. But I will always love them. 

Horcruxapalooza

Packing. It's got me thinking.

I've been trying to organize my room into two categories: stuff I absolutely have to take with me and stuff I could do with out. Essentially, this is what everyone has been doing.

But it got me thinking. 

If I were to suddenly realize an unwavering desire to become immortal, which of my personal belongings would I elect to serve as my Horcruxes? (I am aware that only 1 Horcrux is required to technically make one immortal, but out of respect for the Harry Potter franchise, I'm going to make like Lord Voldemort and choose 7. Hooray for virtual indestructibility!)

1. My orange journal with circles/ polka dots on the front. Almost every time I've cried  in the past 3 years, I've sought refuge in this little orange journal. I've dissected every grievance until the pain momentarily subsides. It holds almost all of my secrets. I therefore feel it has earned the right to be one of my Horcruxes.

2. Santa Claus coffee mug. I have had a mug full of Tazo Chai black tea with 1% milk and 3 Splenda every night for as long as I can remember. And I've always used the Santa Claus mug because it's the biggest, which means more tea. So this Horcrux represents 3 traits: my love for Christmas, my love for tea, and my greediness.

3. Brown-rimmed glasses. While I'm wearing a pair of black glasses at the moment, my brown spectacles are the ones that pulled through when I needed them most. They helped me see before I had contacts, which essentially means they helped me understand my pre-pubescent years. 

4. 2008 Prom Corsage. This bracelet of flowers is currently pinned to the bulletin board in my room. It is completely dry, completely withered, and completely beautiful. If memory serves, this corsage marks the first time I've received flowers from someone. So I saved it. Even though I thought the idea of a corsage was silly, I kept it. Horcrux #4= pack rat tendencies/ inability to let go. 

5. She & Him's "Volume One". This is not my favorite CD. That honor is bestowed upon "Stunt". However, this album ranks in my top 5. And it also represents how far I will take an obsession (aka driving up to Chicago with my mother in order to stand approximately 25 feet away from Miss Deschanel). 

6. Any jar of peanut butter. While peanut butter is one of my two favorite foods, I have a love/hate relationship with it. It is delicious; I can eat it plain or as a dip for practically any other food in the cupboard. But late night peanut butter is the culprit for my weight gain. And weight has always been a source of great frustration and sadness for me. So I'm torn between giving into my greatest food indulgence or abstaining in order to have that unattainable "perfect body". I usually give in. Therefore, this Horcrux is the embodiment of my lack of self control. 

7. My previous cell phone- a violet-pink Motorola RAZR. Good luck finding this Horcrux. I don't even know where it is, as it was donated after I switched to my current Voyager. But many a conversation was had on this phone. I, who am not even a huge fan of phone-conversations, had hundreds upon hundreds of conversations with people I love using this phone, because this phone was a pre-texting device. While I did have about 3 months of texting on it towards the end of its life, this phone represents my desire for a more tangible way of communicating. I love texting, but its very hard to communicate joy, pain, and depression through a text. These RAZR conversations were saturated with emotion, and I miss them. 

Congratulations to all 3 of you who potentially read this. You are now equipped with the proper information to destroy me on my quest to immortality. 

I regret regretting

A close friend recently told me her philosophy on life: "No regrets."

I liked it. So I tried adopting it.

Epic fail.

Maybe I failed only because I regret crazy shit I've done in the past. Maybe if I try living by "no regrets" in regards to what I do now, I might find success. But the more I think about it, the more I regret. The more I wish I could change.

There are general regrets. Like spending almost a dollar a day all summer on polar pops. Or like not seeing my mother nearly as often as I should have.

And then there are specific regrets. Like eating that apple cobbler at Ruth Chris after I'd already stuffed my  body to the bursting point. Or like accidentally sending a very personal text to the person it was about, not to the person for whom it was intended. Or like leaving Starbucks to go up to Fishers so I wouldn't miss Saturday Night Live.

I guess in theory, "No regrets" should set my mind at rest, because there's obviously nothing I can do now to change the things I've done. But I always think about what I could have done. How I could have handled the situation better. I suppose I can learn from my mistakes. Do better next time. But that still doesn't fix it. 

I just remembered a line from a Rent song: "Forget regret or life is yours to miss." 

And I also just remembered a quote from Lion King: "You gotta put your behind in your past.. er.. you gotta put your past behind you."

Oops. 

(Un)Personal Ad

Perfectly adequate 18 year old college freshman looking for Major to appease her father.

Preferably not journalism, film-studies, or any sort of social science.

Preferably something in the science department.

Preferably pre-med. 

Really, Dad?

Plate of Mind Grapes

I went dorm-shopping today.

My favorite purchase was a seaweed green/ toothpaste blue ceramic plate that I found in the clearance section of Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I feel as this may be an insult to the amount of money my parents spent. But I love it. I think because it didn't come in a set. It's just one, lonely plate. There were no others like it. It was just sitting there like Corduroy the teddy bear, waiting for some little girl to take it home. 

Is it odd that my most normal relationship is with a girl who has seen me naked (just while changing of course. but nonetheless...)? And by relationship, I mean a bond that will be deeply missed this fall. I have scores of normal friendships. But they don't mean very much, because to me, a friendship is merely a bond that unites two people with common interests. Relationships are complex and multi-faceted. And as of right now, I truly feel that none of my relationships are as simple as they should be. 

But at least there are people I care about, even if things are messy. 

And at least there's the possibility that they care about me back.

But still.